Pondering Perfectionism

I have recently come across quite a bit of perfectionism in my work and wanted to write this blog post to highlight some very important aspects of it.

Perfectionism is often seen as a badge of honour in our achievement-driven society. The desire to be the best can push us towards important goals and maintain high standards. However, when perfectionism becomes an all-consuming force, it can lead to a vicious cycle of anxiety, depression and even burnout.

Essentially, perfectionism involves setting unrealistically high standards for oneself, with a belief that anything less than ‘perfect’ is unacceptable. This mindset fuels relentless work habits and an all-or-nothing approach. Do it 100% or not at all. Striving to meet these unattainable standards often results in significant anxiety, stress, and worry. The fear of making mistakes or falling short, and the pressure to avoid failure can be take a significant toll.

Inevitably, eventually, one will bus unable to meet their impossible standards. As a result, disappointment and self-criticism set in. A common thought is, ‘I should have tried harder.” Over time, this cycle can erode self-esteem and increase self-criticism, as individuals compare themselves unfavourably to others and focus on their perceived shortcomings.

Another possibility is that the individual does manage to uphold a high standard of work ethic, but only for a limited amount of time. Eventually, the person will have used up all their energy levels on preventing perceived catastrophic shortfalls. Collapse is the result of that.

In cognitive-behavioural therapy socratic questioning can be used to challenge perfectionism. Consider the belief "I must always be perfect." This statement contains several cognitive errors:

·      Must: This word creates pressure and suggests that anything less than perfection is unacceptable.

·      Always: This is an extreme statement, indicative of dichotomous (black-and-white) thinking.

·      Perfect: Perfection is an extreme and highly subjective concept, often unattainable and variable depending on context.

By asking critical questions, one can begin to dismantle this unhelpful belief. For example:

·      "Why do I believe I must always be perfect?"

·      "What evidence do I have that others expect me to be perfect all the time?"

·      "How realistic is it to strive for perfection in every aspect of my life?"

·      "What does 'perfect' even mean, and who defines it?"

·      "What would really happen if I stepped back a little?"

Through such questioning, individuals can start to see the irrationality of their perfectionist standards and begin to adopt more balanced and compassionate self-statements.

Effectively changing a perfectionist mindset requires a shift of values towards self-care, self-love, and self-kindness. “We can’t pour from an empty cup” and we can’t “set ourselves on fire to keep others warm.” Had you heard these before?

We have to recognise that our “best” may look different every day. Some days we may be exceptional at what we do and on other days, merely getting through the day is an achievement in itself.

So, take some time to consider how perfectionism may impact your life and contribute to an experience of stress, anxiety, or depression. Then take some time to think about how to reduce some of it and ramp up the self-care in your life ;-)

If you would like to discuss any of the above further, please contact me.